A mile deep, not a mile wide

Spreading myself too thin is a constant struggle for me. I am a people pleaser. I want to say yes to everything because I genuinely care, not because I like to be busy. I very much dislike being busy. Recently, I have felt like I’ve been a mile wide instead of a mile deep. This is affecting my relationships with people. I can’t always please everyone and I have to start saying no to things, even though I will hate doing this. On the first day of school I had a break down. I felt so incredibly overwhelmed about this year. Yes, it is so exciting to be a senior and graduating in May but I have been dealing with so much change in my life recently. And graduating is one more thing to add to the to do list. Honestly, I’m not ready. I always feel like I can take on the whole world, but it never works like that. I spend so much time doing “stuff”, good things, beneficial things, but still just things, that I never have time to process any of it. I often feel like I’m just going, just doing, and I’m exhausted. Then one day I just sit down and all my emotions have built up and in trying to process everything I just break down. God says to cast all our burdens on Him. Why do I try to handle everything by myself? Time and time again it fails. But how do we balance everything? I’m not just talking about time management, I’m talking about living out a Christ-like life and serving God and others and still making good grades and having time for family, friendships, relationships, etc. Is it all or nothing? Is there a balance? I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure this one out…I guess it’s a learning process. 

Growing up is hard…

Well the end of summer is nearing. This has been an amazing summer, one I will never forget. In addition to being amazing (the word I seriously overuse) it has been challenging. Going around the world and serving God has been a wonderful experience, one of trials and triumphs. God has taught me so much about the people of this earth. We are all children of God no matter where we live or what conditions we live in. And we should share the love of Christ no matter where we are or whom we are with. And sharing that love includes serving! Not just talking about it, but acting upon it. And not serving when it is convenient for us, but being willing to serve at any moment.
Besides this life lesson God has been teaching me, this summer has been challenging for many other reasons. I have realized I am growing up so fast. I graduate in 1 year and I honestly have no idea where I’m going in life or what God has in store for me. It’s really hard for me not knowing, but I’m trusting God through it.
Also, one of the hardest things has been adjusting to life back in the U.S. I have barely been home all summer and I kind of don’t ever know where I am or what is home (as im writing this I’m in nashville). My thoughts are all over the place…I’m missing Africa and Mexico so much. Last night as I was falling asleep a Shona song popped in my head. It is all so surreal.
Finally, my mom moved to TN while I was in Africa. So yesterday was the first time I had seen her in a month. And today I’m going home. I didn’t realize how much I would miss her until I was hugging her goodbye and I didn’t want to let go…I honestly felt like a 5 year old haha.
Anyways life is happening too fast, but at least God keeps it interesting. And I could NOT keep going with out him. ALL my strength is from him and I’m so thankful for that! I ain’t gotta do it on my own, I got dat Holy Spirit 🙂

Meredith the optometrista…

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in The Lord still renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 41:27-31

Today was day 1 of being the optometrista! It was fun! Although, I could not have done it without our amazing translators Carlos and Keila. They were so great. The eye exam is pretty simple to give (which is great since I have zero experience haha). However, there were 2 patients whose eye sight was so bad we didn’t have strong enough glasses to give them. This broke my heart. It was really sad and discouraged me. BUT then I remembered that even though physical strength is important and we are in Mexico to provide physical care…the main reason we are here is to provide spiritual healing. To show them the love of Christ and share with them true hope and true healing. Thus, this verse from Isaiah popped into my head. God will provide us workers with physical and spiritual strength to serve throughout the week and he will provide the people with physical and spiritual healing. And we might not always understand His timing or actions, but we can count on the fact that God IS moving in this city and all over the world. And I am blessed that he has allowed me to be a part of it!
Please continue to pray for the people here! Gracias 🙂

Beautiful Africa

It has been 3 days since I’ve returned from Africa. It’s all been so surreal. I honestly don’t know how to sum things up. God has shown me so much recently, but I definitely think the number one thing he has shown me is stepping out of my comfort zone is good. It stretches me. Allows me to grow in ways I couldn’t have grown before. Africa definitely accomplished this for me.

I was so nervous. I was leaving the country for the first time. I was the youngest one on the team. I was going to a politically violent country. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO EXPECT. But when we got there, I was completely at peace. I knew I was getting to serve God in new and challenging ways. And this got me excited! All my nerves went out the window.

We got to serve at schools, at the hospital, at the matumba, and it was all amazing. God opened my eyes. He taught me how BIG of a God He is. My favorite thing was the last night we sat around a campfire and sang hymns in Shona and English. That was when it really hit me: we serve a magnificent God. We can come together from different parts of the world, speaking different languages, yet singing the same words of praise to the same God. We are brothers and sisters in Christ. And it is a joyous thing!

Well this tells very little of my trip to Zimbabwe. Buuuuut, it will have to do for now. Because I leave for Mexico Saturday, where God will be putting me out of my comfort zone once again. I thought I would be doing VBS with kids, but come to find out I will be doing optometry. But I’m excited and ready to be used by God! His plans are much greater than mine.

My mission trips are fully funded!!!!!

My mission trips are fully funded!!!! SO THANKFUL. GOD IS AWESOME. I had been worried that I wouldn’t be able to raise all the money by June 12th, but God made it happen! And EARLY! God really does answer prayers!

I am so thankful to all the people that donated money! I am flabbergasted by all the financial support. I am also so thankful for all the people that let me babysit, dogsit, referred me to people that needed help, etc! And shout out to Mrs. Dee for giving me every opportunity possible to work in the nursery!

Ahhh I am so excited right now I can barely complete my thoughts to write this post!

OKAY, so this summer is busy busy busy. VBS. MFUGE. Zimbabwe. Puebla. Helping my mom move. Visiting my grandparents, brother, sister. Moving out of my apartment. Taking the GRE. Weddings galore. Collegiate week. Babysitting.

In the midst of all this madness, I’m trying to stay focused on God. This is the busiest summer I have ever had, and I am excited for it!

Okay, so why Africa and why Mexico? I feel like this is a question on so many peoples minds. So I had never felt any inclination to go on a mission trip out of the country before. Then last semester when I heard Lindsay talk about her trip to Zimbabwe last year it peaked my interest. Then at the BCM I saw this video of a mission trip to South Africa and I got the chills through the entire thing. So I went to both of these meetings. The South Africa trip would have allowed me to still do summer school or an internship or REU, it was even cheaper. So I kept thinking “this is perfect”. It seemed like the logical choice.  Well, then I went to the mission trip meeting at my church where they talked about Africa (Zimbabwe) , Mexico, and Portugal. After I listened to the information and testimonies about these places, I kept having this overwhelming feeling of “go to Mexico AND Africa”. And I looked at the dates and they were both in the center of the summer. Meaning I couldn’t do summer school, internship, anything. And then there were 2 Africa trips-which one should I choose? As I learned more about the trips, I felt God leading me towards Zimbabwe. Where we will be helping restore a hospital, sharing the gospel with the people in the hospital, sharing the gospel to schools in the area, and worshipping alongside the people. And I could feel God pushing me towards Mexico. Doing VBS with children, doing medical and dental work, playing sports with kids, sharing the gospel! I was still conflicted though-do I choose academic success or serving God in foreign countries (one where there are major political wars going on, and the other where there are major drug wars going on). Academics seemed like the obvious choice right? Well wrong. I prayed and prayed and came to the conclusion that I would rather serve God than serve myself. Thus, the decision to go on these mission trips came about.

My family freaked at first. And well, they are still pretty worried. But they have been supportive nonetheless. I have confidence that God will use our team for His glory and in ways that I can’t even fathom.

The crazy thing is that just a year ago I thought anyone that did foreign missions was crazy, dumb, etc. And I made statements such as “just do missions in the U.S.”, “why would you forfeit summer school for missions”, etc. Oh it is funny how God changes our hearts in such unexpected ways.

Anyways, back to summer plans. Well after planning to go on these trips, I kept praying about what I would do the rest of the summer? And God answered my prayers. I am busy beyond comparison. I get to serve God, serve his people, serve my church, help my mom move, and still get to visit my family! And as for academic career I know God is answering that too! I have scheduled the GRE, and the first actuary test. I mean who knows if I’ll end up doing anything math related? But I have to be prepared! Also, did I mention this couple I started babysitting for knows a CEO of a company that is looking for math interns for next year and wanted my resume. Who knows if anything will come of this. But the point is, God has my back. I don’t know why I ever questioned that. But I have to obey Him 🙂

Thanks for reading my super long and ramble-ey blog post! 🙂

Questions and answers

Well, I have been thinking a lot recently. I have been doubting, questioning, wondering, even wandering from Christ. I must say that questioning God sucks-it’s an emotional battle. I have never been one to do that, I have always KNOWN God is the creator and I have never questioned that. What I have been questioning is the point of trying to live a holy life. It is tiring, it is hard, I mess up A LOT. I often feel defeated by Satan. So I started questioning, what is the point to it all? If I’m going to mess up anyways, why should I try? Maybe I should just give in.

All this happened about a week or so before Spring Break. So during spring break I didn’t read my bible for 7 days. I talked to God here and there for a couple minutes maximum. But even then it was me talking, not listening. Well lets just say that during spring break I was not a pleasant person to be around. I was moody, grumpy, constantly complaining, gossiping a ton, judgmental, anxious, and not joyful or at peace. Basically I was everything I hate being. Everything opposite of Christ.

This made me realize I NEED Christ. One week without communicating with Him might seem “easier” in the present, but looking back it is so much easier to cast our burdens on Him, to rely on Him. This is why I had been questioning what the point was, because I had been looking for the easy way out. And sometimes it does seem easier and even more fun at times to live an unholy life. And yes Christ was a sacrifice in order so we could be forgiven for our sins. This is God’s amazing grace. But the point to living a holy life is because God has called us to. Plain and simple. We are to be Christ like. We are to represent Him. God loved us enough to send His son to die for us in order so we would be saved. We have to choose to obey Him or disobey Him. And I choose to obey Him. Yes, I will continue to mess up, but I won’t let satan make me feel defeated. I know God will use my mistakes to teach me. He will point them out in order to make me more and more like Him.

“For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.”

-1 Thessalonians 4:7-8

Friendship

What is the point of friendships? To have fun? To hangout? To laugh together? Cry together? Experience life together?

I think all of these things are true, but I think there is so much more too.

Friendships are meant to build, to grow. Not just on a surface level, but on a deep level.

I think friendships are meant to teach you to trust, to love, to care about others deeply.

More specifically, Godly friendships, ones with fellow Christians are meant to be uplifting and provide spiritual growth.

If you aren’t mentoring each other, pouring into each other, praying for each other, keeping each other accountable, what is the point? How is this friendship any different than any other?

I have really been feeling convicted about this lately, my friendships seem to be “comfortable”. Honesty seems to be a huge difficulty, especially for me. Prayer seems to make everyone uncomfortable. What is truly going on in our lives, the struggles, the hardships, the great things, the personal things, they seem to be topics that we never talk about. What am I doing? What are we doing? Shouldn’t we be praying for each other, growing together, praising God, stepping out of our comfort zone? SHARING THE GOSPEL? The answer to these questions is Absolutely Yes.

What is the purpose of these friendships here on earth? To satisfy our own desires of companionship or to give glory to God? It should simply be the latter.

I want to live this out. Be intentional. Be uncomfortable. Share God’s love.

Who am I?

Who is Meredith? Who am I? This is a great question. A year ago I would have defined myself through other people and things. I would have said ,“I am the daughter of so and so, the sister of so and so, the girlfriend of so and so.  I am a student at such and such. I work at such and such place. ” I think you get the picture.

Well, this last year my life has been turned upside down.

On January 29, 2012 my dad passed away from liver cancer. In November, we thought it was basically set that he would get a liver transplant in January. Two days before Christmas we found out he would not.  In mid-January we found out he was terminal.  A week later he passed away. It all happened so fast.

The funeral came and went. I went to class everyday. I pretended like everything was fine. Meanwhile, I shut people out. I tried to deal with everything myself.  I only went to church here and there because I hated having to face people that knew my dad. I hated getting looks of pity (which I now realize were sympathy). I hated how no one my age understood what I was going through.  And I was mad at God for letting us think that he would be okay, then quickly changing everything.

So instead of trusting in God, I put all my trust and hope and dreams in my boyfriend. He was my world, my everything. When the summer came around and we broke up, trusting in God was the only option I had.

I immediately realized God had a plan for me, he had a plan through all of this craziness. Then I realized that I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing here. So, this last semester I have tried to figure out who I am. Not just who I am, but who I am in Christ and how I can be used in God’s plan. I have figured out that I am a child of God. I am a strong woman, a woman that God will use in many ways.  I am intelligent. I have worth. I don’t need to put my hope in other people or things; I have God.

I may not know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know what career I will have. I don’t know whom, when, or if I’ll marry. I don’t know where I will live in the future. And I’m okay with that. God has me where I am right now for a reason. God has me single for a reason. I can think of 10 amazing things just off the top of my head that God has done in my life, in others lives, this last semester through the fact that I have gone through these hardships. God has a plan. He uses these struggles for His glory.  It might not be understood in the present, but know that God is with you through it all, waiting for you to trust in Him.

I am really thankful for the people God has put in my life this last semester. Old friends, new friends, church family. I really do have so much to be thankful for. And now that the New Year is coming, I am really excited to see what God has planned!

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.”-Psalm 18:30-32