Who am I?

Who is Meredith? Who am I? This is a great question. A year ago I would have defined myself through other people and things. I would have said ,“I am the daughter of so and so, the sister of so and so, the girlfriend of so and so.  I am a student at such and such. I work at such and such place. ” I think you get the picture.

Well, this last year my life has been turned upside down.

On January 29, 2012 my dad passed away from liver cancer. In November, we thought it was basically set that he would get a liver transplant in January. Two days before Christmas we found out he would not.  In mid-January we found out he was terminal.  A week later he passed away. It all happened so fast.

The funeral came and went. I went to class everyday. I pretended like everything was fine. Meanwhile, I shut people out. I tried to deal with everything myself.  I only went to church here and there because I hated having to face people that knew my dad. I hated getting looks of pity (which I now realize were sympathy). I hated how no one my age understood what I was going through.  And I was mad at God for letting us think that he would be okay, then quickly changing everything.

So instead of trusting in God, I put all my trust and hope and dreams in my boyfriend. He was my world, my everything. When the summer came around and we broke up, trusting in God was the only option I had.

I immediately realized God had a plan for me, he had a plan through all of this craziness. Then I realized that I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing here. So, this last semester I have tried to figure out who I am. Not just who I am, but who I am in Christ and how I can be used in God’s plan. I have figured out that I am a child of God. I am a strong woman, a woman that God will use in many ways.  I am intelligent. I have worth. I don’t need to put my hope in other people or things; I have God.

I may not know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know what career I will have. I don’t know whom, when, or if I’ll marry. I don’t know where I will live in the future. And I’m okay with that. God has me where I am right now for a reason. God has me single for a reason. I can think of 10 amazing things just off the top of my head that God has done in my life, in others lives, this last semester through the fact that I have gone through these hardships. God has a plan. He uses these struggles for His glory.  It might not be understood in the present, but know that God is with you through it all, waiting for you to trust in Him.

I am really thankful for the people God has put in my life this last semester. Old friends, new friends, church family. I really do have so much to be thankful for. And now that the New Year is coming, I am really excited to see what God has planned!

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.”-Psalm 18:30-32